"Month ten.
Ten months of learning experiences that have hit harder than ever and growing faith like a lion. Almost a year consisting of highs and lows, mends and breaks, open letters and quiet lips- and embracing all of it. This is a year filled with developing testimonies and awaiting redemption. Doing this is accepting the mountains and valleys. Accepting change is finding the gold beneath the heaping piles of rocks. It is a complex process, filled with silent nights and rioting hearts. It is going past the dreams that we have set for ourselves and giving to God what we cannot control. Accepting the heartaches that change brings involves throwing our hands up at God in exhaustion and slowly realizing that in our frustration, our hands were open to receive whatever He was going to place in our palms. Change is hard and taking it up to the front of the line for battle is even more difficult. It is not necessarily what is meant to be, but what happened- the process of God fixing the shattered pieces. The path has both weeds and roses, but holds redemption in the end. So here is looking forward; to awaiting the breathless moments and laughter-filled nights. Here is to pouring into the hearts of others and crashing against the hard winds. Here is to finding peace in the shelter of the Lord and steadily walking to the light at the end. Here is to accepting change." October, 2015 was when I vowed to learn how to gracefully accept change. I had to learn to love the One that would not leave my side and I had to abandon looking for love from those that had no love to give. It was freeing, yet exhausting in the moments that I would find myself running towards the things that I told myself to stay away from. I had to continually allow myself a grace similar to the one that God granted me. I had to remind myself that we cannot completely run away from the things we had once loved, even though those things chose to run from us. I had to love myself through the moments where I set myself back. It has been six months since I vowed to throw change into the land of acceptance and allow my heart to completely heal. The process has taken longer than I expected, yet I remind myself every day that it will one day be finished and everything will be new. Accepting change has become a testimony of mine; a testimony that requires complete trust in the hands that hold my life; a testimony that requires faith. In this journey, each small step has seemed like a jump. Each rock that has skipped across the waters has gone further than the last. Each ripple in the water looks more and more like a wave. Each grain of sand feels smoother. Each prayer sounds more like a "Thank You" letter. Each day, I hear a voice that whispers, "This is not only change. This, My Dear, is progress."
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April 2016
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